just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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