i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
