I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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