Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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