Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Randomize
