11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
