I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
