I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
