She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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