I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
