Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
