So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
