I think im going to throw up on grandma
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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