Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Randomize
