the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
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