Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
people are starting to question the shark bite story
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Mom said you looked used
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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