found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
