are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
