i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
