Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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