The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
