Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
