you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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