I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
