It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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