I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Houston, we have a blender
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
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