from now on my penis is your penis
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Randomize
