one word: firstdatebathroomanal
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
