She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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