my mouth tastes like poor choices
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
