So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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