If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
