Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
