Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Randomize
