You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
