I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Randomize
