im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
You need a sexual gate keeper
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
