im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
