I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
