I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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