bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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