My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
