you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
