Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
