im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
