At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Randomize
