fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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