He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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