okay pat passed out under dana's car
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
