Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
