If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
