I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
