so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
