so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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