Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
