He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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