Please, let me fuck your mom
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
that's an acceptable place to lick
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
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