I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
