so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Well I just put wine in my tea
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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