i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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